Why is this so difficult?

As with most, my journey here has been a bit complex, but then so is life. I have limited experience as a submissive, however what I have had clarified my needs. What are those needs I hear you ask? .......... well if you're the right person then start a conversation and we'll go from there. However as a taster - I need the mental stimulation and exploration of a D/s relationship, I need to have a true D/s symbiosis. Yes I do like and need impact play, and bondage and I have further fantasies and desires that are less than pure! i know what i need is a kind, genuine Dom to want me in my entirity. I dont want a quick spanking and to be used, i need respect for the gift of my submission. I need openness and honesty and i need a genuinley available Dom for a relationship not just a dalliance. so for absolute clarity - I need a man who is 1) Dominant 2) available, whether that be single or separated etc - not with an 'arrangement' 3) local, I can't drive so theres no point in being miles away, we're never going to meet so what is the point in wasting each others time?? 4) non-smoker 5) happy with a woman with curves plus 6) is seeking a relationship ....... that means, a combination of vanilla style dating and a conversation of more than just our kinks (although thats fun too!) So yes quite possibly not what many are looking for here but so be it! At least I’m honest about my needs and agenda!