The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility. A top accepts control. A sociopath demands it. A Dominant though? They earn it. The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. It draws submission out of me. It never demands it. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. I needed to read about other peoples experiences, how they felt because, I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will questioning, others will simply be sarcasm, making light of the "lifestyle"
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet though has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send icecream

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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s